At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
