No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
