Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
