I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
