i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
