the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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