Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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