What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
