I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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