Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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