dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
