dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
