i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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