Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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