Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
