his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
