Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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