Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
