this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
