It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he fucked my hip out of place.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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