Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
What changed your mind?
Being sober
me + whiskey = a bad person
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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