you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
