my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
