You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
