Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize