I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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