is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
