It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
