just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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