guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
