im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize