ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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