ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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