I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
