Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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