just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
