One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
