i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
