chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
