Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
