After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
