dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
