No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
