Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
