Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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