Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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