So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We are two peas in an std pod
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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