do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
