So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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