oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
