There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
