one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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