he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
