we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
