You really coming over, don't trick.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
