my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
its liver damage thursday
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
