"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
