Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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