i just wanna soil my oats bro
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
