Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
