so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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