wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
