Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
