Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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