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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i think my mom watched the whole time
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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