your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
