She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
