I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
