No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
