you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
