I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
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