What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
