I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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