YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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