there's paper in my vomit.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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